Jokes Quiz – Printable Version
20 multiple-choice questions with an explained answer key, ready to print.
Print the sheet (or save it as a PDF from the print window), hand it out, then mark it together using the answer page: every answer is explained. Perfect for a party, a birthday, a classroom, a care home or a team activity.
Name: ………………………………Score: ……… / 20
- What is the favorite sport of absurdist comedians like Raymond Devos?
- A. Tennis without a ball or a racket
- B. Throwing socks with holes in them
- C. Running... but by walking
- D. Long jump with no run-up
- What does a comedian do when they run out of inspiration?
- A. 'They reread the YouTube comments on their old videos.'
- B. 'They pretend to meditate, hoping it passes for genius.'
- C. 'They call their mother for ideas.'
- D. 'They watch the news… and inspiration comes flooding back (unfortunately).'
- What's the ultimate irony for a psychologist?
- A. Realizing they need a psychologist themselves
- B. Having a patient who never talks
- C. Paying to listen to their own problems
- D. Having a couch that talks
- Why do computer programmers mix up Christmas and Halloween?
- A. Because both holidays celebrate the dead
- B. Because they wear coder costumes
- C. Because Dec 25 = Oct 31
- D. Because they don't like presents
- Which comedian said: 'One day, I bought a book about laziness. I've never opened it.'?
- A. Pierre Desproges
- B. Coluche
- C. Groucho Marx
- D. Raymond Devos
- Which comedian popularized the phrase 'It's not complicated, it just takes a long time to explain'?
- A. Coluche
- B. Raymond Devos
- C. Jean-Marie Bigard
- D. Pierre Desproges
- Which fish can be sheared like a sheep?
- A. John Dory
- B. sole
- C. brill
- D. grouper
- How do you fit 4 elephants into a Citroën 2CV?
- A. 2 in the front, 2 in the back
- B. 2 inside, and 2 hanging onto the door
- C. 2 in the car and 2 in a trailer
- D. Only 2 — the other two have to push the 2CV
- Which granny scares off thieves?
- A. Granny Nougat
- B. Granny Denture
- C. Granny Cookie
- D. Granny Gatling
- What did the dinosaurs do when they couldn't make up their minds?
- A. They fought
- B. They ate
- C. They played 'Drawasaurus' (drew lots)
- D. They slept
- Why do people say fish work illegally?
- A. Because they don't pay taxes
- B. Because they steal
- C. Because they don't have a 'FISH' (payslip)
- D. Because they cheat
- Which ham does everyone hate?
- A. White ham
- B. The 'dirty friend'
- C. Parisian ham
- D. Cured ham
- What is insects' favorite sport?
- A. Cricket
- B. Swimming
- C. Tennis
- D. Football
- Why don't giraffes exist?
- A. Because it's a hoax
- B. Because they're too tall
- C. Because they don't eat
- D. Because they're extinct
- The pessimist sighs: ‘Honestly, things can't get any worse.’ What does the optimist reply?
- A. ‘Look at the glass half full.’
- B. ‘The sun will shine tomorrow.’
- C. ‘Oh yes they can!’
- D. ‘At least you're healthy.’
- Complete programmers' favourite joke: ‘There are 10 types of people in the world…’
- A. … geeks, and future geeks
- B. … those who own a computer, and those who don't
- C. … those who can count to 10, and those who can't
- D. … those who understand binary, and those who don't
- Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. What happens next?
- A. The barman opens the box
- B. It orders a half-full glass of milk
- C. And doesn't
- D. It pays in quantum currency
- ‘Doctor, doctor! I feel like I'm invisible!’ What does the doctor reply?
- A. ‘Who said that?’
- B. ‘Come back when we can see you better.’
- C. ‘Take two pills and disappear.’
- D. ‘Next!’
- In 2009, physicist Stephen Hawking threw a real party for time travellers. Why did nobody turn up?
- A. He forgot to give the address
- B. He sent out the invitations after the party
- C. The party was held in a black hole
- D. The guests had already left the day before
- Which comedian wrote, when resigning from a club: ‘I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member’?
- A. Groucho Marx
- B. Charlie Chaplin
- C. Woody Allen
- D. Oscar Wilde
Answer key — Jokes Quiz
- A. Tennis without a ball or a racketDevos would have explained: 'That way, you're sure never to lose the ball.
- D. 'They watch the news… and inspiration comes flooding back (unfortunately).'Nothing inspires a comedian to mock everything quite like a bit of politics or current events.
- C. Paying to listen to their own problemsThe only profession where you pay to hear things you already know…
- C. Because Dec 25 = Oct 31In octal (base 8), 31 equals 25 in decimal. So 'Oct 31' and 'Dec 25' really are the same number — proof that programmers live in a different world.
- C. Groucho MarxThis kind of self-deprecating, absurdist one-liner is classic Groucho Marx, master of wordplay.
- D. Pierre DesprogesA phrase typical of his absurdist, philosophical brand of humor.
- D. grouperThe same crude French pun as the previous joke, swapping in another vulgar slang word — untranslatable wordplay.
- A. 2 in the front, 2 in the backA 2CV has 4 seats!
- D. Granny GatlingA play on words: 'Gatling' evokes the Gatling gun — definitely not a grandma you want to mess with!
- C. They played 'Drawasaurus' (drew lots)A play on words combining 'drawing lots' and 'dinosaur' — 'Drawasaurus'!
- C. Because they don't have a 'FISH' (payslip)A French pun: 'fiche de paie' (payslip) sounds like 'FISH de paie'.
- B. The 'dirty friend'A French pun: 'sale ami' ('dirty friend') sounds like 'saucisson' (sausage) when said quickly.
- A. CricketA play on words: 'cricket' is both an insect and a sport — this one actually works even better in English than in French!
- A. Because it's a hoaxA nonsense joke in the same absurdist vein as 'birds aren't real' — a fake conspiracy claiming giraffes are made up.
- C. ‘Oh yes they can!’This joke, very popular in Russia, turns the roles upside down: the optimist doesn't hope things will improve, he is simply sure that the worst is always still possible.
- D. … those who understand binary, and those who don'tIn binary, the language of computers, ‘10’ doesn't mean ten but two (1 × 2 + 0).
- C. And doesn'tIn 1935 physicist Erwin Schrödinger imagined a cat shut in a box, both alive and dead until someone looks, to show how strange quantum physics is.
- A. ‘Who said that?’‘Doctor, doctor!’ jokes exist in almost every language: a patient describes an absurd symptom and the doctor takes it literally.
- B. He sent out the invitations after the partyA true story: on 28 June 2009, Hawking laid out champagne and canapés at the University of Cambridge, but only published the invitation once the party was over.
- A. Groucho MarxGroucho Marx is said to have sent this letter to the Friars Club in Hollywood.